Living To Die
by kool-aidrocks2008
Summary: set around the gift. compared to my other stories this is well mild. not too much profanity so i just went with this rating. r&r. plz.


**Lemme see here. I do not own anything except the kool aid which is causing me to loose my beauty sleep. Don't worry it wont affect me. So the characters belong to joss and his peeps.**

Fpov.

So I'm here helping the scooby gang. Not because they want me. Of course not. Because I'm 'needed'. To an extent anyway. Ya see a few weeks after I turned myself in I started havin' these nightmares. No not the ones about B comin' to stab me. About some hell god comin' and Mrs. S and B dyin'. At first it was just once a week. But then they started to get more frequent. I finally broke down and told Angel and he confirmed it. There was a hell god. She was there for a key and Buffy's mom was getting' sick or somethin. B sent her to LA and the Fang gang took care of her. I broke outta jail cus there was no way in hell I was gonna sit back and let the slayer die. Oh come on don't give me that look. Everybody knows Buffy is and always will be The slayer. So yeah I broke out to go help. To say they weren't happy to see me would be sayin' it nicely. Xander attacked me. I let him. He beat the shit outta me. Red worked some major mojo where I couldn't sleep for the first week I was there and ya know lack of sleep equals lack of energy. Lets just say if it weren't for spike I wouldn't have made it to the battle. He saved me. Dawn kicked me in my shin and it hurt like hell. Buffy just gave me the cold shoulder. But hey I lived. I blurted out those three words at a meetin one day. We were all sittin around and they just came.

"I'm so sorry!" everybody froze.

"excuse me?" Giles asked.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything but I haven't had a chance to voice those words. I'm sorry everybody for everything. I betrayed you and hurt you more than you'd ever admit and I'm deeply sorry." knew it wouldn't make a difference but I had to say it.

"touching." came willow's response. "sure." was what Xander said. "good."was all g-man said.

"do you mean it?" dawn asked.

"yes." I whispered.

"then I forgive you. I've always liked you Faith. And for what its worth I never hated you I was just highly pissed." she said. I couldn't form words so I nodded.

"i forgive you t-to faith." Tara said with a smile.

"thank you." I said to her gratefully. The rest of the meetin' was quiet. That night on patrol I told Buffy what I knew would piss her off. Not on purpose but she deserved to know. I told her dawn was the key and how the portal to send hell bitch home would be opened. About how the monks created memories so she would protect dawn with her life. Surprisingly she didn't pound my face in like I expected. She just nodded and said that she had to tell the gang at the next meeting but how I shouldn't tell dawn. Then I told her dawn would find out on her own and then things got dangerous. She finally broke sown and said she'd tell the kid to night. I just nodded and continued to walk. She told me she was grateful I was there helping and that she would try to forgive me. I told her it was all five by five and I didn't deserve it. The rest of the night was spent in silence. The next day is when things started to go down. Everybody found out that dawn was made from slayer blood. Meaning that in a sense she had the slayer line coursing through her veins along with summers blood. I know disaster written all over that revelation. So anyway the next coupla days went smooth. Xan was slowly tryin to forgive and accept me. Anya was weird. Red was still pissed and Buffy and dawn were bondin'. Cute I know. Everything was smooth sailin until poor spike got captured and tortured. Yeah he told. But he didn't mean too. Anyway she came and got dawn and we got to the tower a little late. The portal was openin'. Which brings me to now. B is talkin to squirt and the look on her face says it all. Nu-uh. Not this time. I jump up just in time to grab her before she jumps. I pull her back and whisper

"slayer blood B. always comes down to bein a slayer." her eyes widen when she realizes what I'm sayin. Before I jump I have just enough time to yell "look in my duffel bag!" and I fall. Oh my god. This is a feelin' to hard to explain. I feel so alive. Yet I feel like all my energy is bein' sucked away. Its captivating. I feel tears streak down my face. So this is what its like to do right. I wish I'd done it a lot sooner. Oh god...oh god...

Bpov.

"slayer blood B. always comes down to bein' a slayer." she says. My eyes get wide when I realize what she's saying to me. She's up in a flash and before she jumps she yells out "look in my duffel bag!"

"Faith! No!" I yell but its too late. She's gone. I rush over to the edge and pear over. Oh god why?! The portal closes after a few long seconds and she falls to the ground. Dawn and I rush down the tower. Her body hits the ground with a sickening dud. Dawn rushes over to her body. She's cradling her head in her lap crying. I look up and see everyone else is crying too. So am I for that matter. Xander kneels down beside dawn and squeezes her shoulder. I walk over and sit on the other side of her body. I lean over and kiss her forehead. I whisper to her.

"thank you. I forgive you." when we got her body to the hospital I finally learned her last name. Her real last name. Lehane. Her name is Faith Lehane. A beautiful name for a beautiful person. When we get to the house dawn insists on looking in the bag with me. We look in the bag and notice an' envelope with a B and squirt written on it. I open it and begin to read with dawn over my shoulder.

_Hey,_

_damn this has got to be the best birthday ever. Squirt I promised ya that when this was over you could listen to the song so go 'head. If you're readin' this with or without B in the room it means I lived exactly 18 years. Yeah I'm younger than everybody thought. Documents can be altered when you work for the mayor of a city. See what did ya wanna know that day. Well for starters my full name is Faith Spencer Lehane. I turned 18 at exactly 9:59am. No I didn't graduate high school but I do got a GED. First watcher made me get one. Never knew my dad and hated my mom. So that's it. My life. Summed up. Sorry I about before. I know I already said sorry and you forgave me but you gotta know that even though I never stopped being sorry. I wish I woulda been different. But enough of that. Buffy. I am so very very sorry. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself. I hope you get to have a happy life after this. I know I don't deserve it but will you do me a favor. The new slayer, Kennedy is her name, will be comin to take over. Will you let her? She just wants to fulfill her destiny and you want to be normal. Just try. Please. Finish college. Bug your mom as much as possible. Annoy the hell outta dawn and tell everyone I said thanks and be safe. I also have a confession to make. I know its fucked up to drop this bomb but I love you Buffy. I've been in love with you since the beginning. Now don't jump to conclusions and think I'm blamin' ya for what went down way back when. I'm not. That was all on me. Just wanted you to finally know. Well that's it. Oh yeah call soul-boy and tell him I appreciate it. Tell him even though we haven't known each other long he was the big brother I never had. So be safe Buffy. Be normal. And try to be happy. Fight for it if ya gotta but be happy. Good luck with everything and I'll see ya when you're old and gray. Didn't ya know all slayers go to heaven._

_Love always,_

_Faith._

She loved me. Oh my goodness. I look up and see dawn holding a cd in her hands.

"she made this when she was working for the mayor. She had a recording studio downstairs from her apartment. She said if she ever got married or somebody close to her did it would be a good song for a wedding. Believe it or not its a love song. Who would have thought faith would sing a love song." she smiles sadly as do I and goes over and puts it in the cd player. Faith's voice filters the room. She has such a beautiful voice.

If I had no more time  
No more time left to be here  
Would you cherish what we had?  
Was it everything that you were looking for?  
If I couldn't feel your touch  
And no longer were you with me  
I'd be wishing you were here  
To be everything that I'd be looking for  
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift  
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me  
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me  
Hold me like this is the last time  
Every time you kiss me  
Kiss me like you'll never see me again  
Every time you touch me  
Touch me like this is the last time  
Promise that you'll love me  
Love me like you'll never see me again

Oh Oh Oh

How many really know what love is?  
Millions never will  
Do you know until you lose it  
That it's everything that we are looking for  
When I wake up in the morning  
You're beside me  
I'm so thankful that I found  
Everything that I been looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift  
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me  
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me  
Hold me like this is the last time  
Every time you kiss me  
Kiss me like you'll never see me again  
(can you do that for me baby)  
Every time you touch me  
(see we don't really know)  
Touch me like this is the last time  
(see everyday we never know)  
Promise that you'll love me  
(I want you to promise me)  
Love me like you'll never see me again  
(like you'll never see me again)

Oh oh oh oh oh .

It was sad yet beautiful and I could see how it'd be considered a wedding song. With the whole death do us part bit. But its for true couples. The ones who'll last that long. Dawn and I are not even trying to hide our tears.

Sometime later...

Bpov.

_Faith Spencer Lehane_

_November 12, 1983 – November 12, 2001_

_she died so we could live_

I trace the letters on her head stone. I'm here on my nightly visit.

"hey Faith. Today was so boring. You wouldn't believe it but dawn gets more annoying by the week. Yeah I know she was probably here earlier wasn't she? Thought so. Well not much to say tonight that angel called. Said he'll stop by sometime. Well I gotta go. Promised Kennedy we'd hang out tonight. No patrol just the gang. She's a good kid Faith, I wish you could see her. You two would be good friends. Well gotta go. Oh and in case you're wondering...i love you too. Always." I lean over and kiss that grave marker. As I'm leaving I feel a light breeze out of nowhere and just as quick as it came it went. And I swear I hear her voice and that's when I realize... she knows.

**Was just in the mood to do a quick one shot. The song is like you'll never see me again by alicia keys. I know I know it just recently came out and the story took place years ago but I was listenin' to it and felt the urge to throw it in there. Hope ya like the story.**


End file.
